Today I identify as an author and coach, but the foundation of my identity was built upon shame, as I was tethered to what I call the Mosh Pit Dance Floor for most of my life. It’s the place where we are in auto response, where we just exist in a perceived world of mistrust, and self-hatred. I felt unseen and dirty, and hope was hard to hold onto.
My seeking for answers outside of me never fulfilled my insides, never gave me peace. I absorbed all the lies as my own, suffocating my true essence under all the shame and dirt.
The grooves in my head were a response to traumas, including sexual and emotional abuse that kept me chained to a state of survival.
This is my story.
Then something happened. I heard louder than ever a lure to something else.
My life wasn’t working. I had all the things that I wanted, but I was so tired and empty inside.
The loneliness and heart ache needed to be “fixed”.
So, with courage, I started this journey of moving my grooves. I’ve had to unearth all the beliefs, truths that were built-up inside of me from my childhood. I’m still discovering all the time, and slowly allowing my past to no longer define me.
Looking for and through the lenses of our perceived truths is what I call the Thrashing Dance Floor. It’s doing the hard work to heal and reunite all of our separated parts. Holding onto the great big balls of life, I started the reckoning process and started discovering who I could be.
Next came acceptance and surrendering. I call this the Harmony Dance Floor, where the Ego and the Soul dance together, managing all the shit from my past, healing old wounds that still linger in the back of my mind. I am moving my grooves from self-hatred to self-love.
Of course, the shadows still exist. Wherever there is light there will be a shadow.
The difference is now, I can choose to lean into the light.
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We learn a new dance, with a new song.
Remember, we are all in this dance of life together.